Welcome to the first step in a marathon slog through fraught terrain. It’s the entertainer’s version of the Barkley Marathons (look it up if you’re unfamiliar… it’s zany and outrageous and wonderful).

SCRIPTING

I waffled a bit about how to include the scripting process (and what to include). But I landed on including as much as possible. If it’s not of interest, you can obviously skip right by it. But if seeing how Themes/Frames/Goals/Material/Setlist/Etc all come together into a terribly rough draft of a show interests you, here’s that transition. “Part 10” will be one entry for each routine (followed by a letter).

I’ll include my full first draft of the routine. No editing in a different word processor and dropping it here. Just unfiltered, unorganized ideas that I’m trying to assemble into a rough script. It will probably feel choppy because it’s inherently so, but it will feel choppier because I’m going to separate it out into different entries like this. I’ll be keeping my previous concept work for the show in mind (and occasionally up on the screen as a guide), but that’s it. At the end, we’ll have a script. A bad one… but a script nonetheless.

Please excuse the lack of formatting (I’ve got all my presets in Word) and WordPress doesn’t have the same sort of easy dialogue vs stage direction vs heading format choices, so I may find some ways to differentiate as I go or it may look like a lot of blocks of text.

Let’s begin where every script begins:

HOTEL 52

Int. – A semi-lit warehouse space.

Fade house lights to blackout. Silence for a few beats. Maybe some sound effects of gentle ambient music fill the space. Eventually, a door opens and the light of a flashlight explores the space and the audience. The person holding it flicks on a few small lights – just enough to illuminate a table with a single deck of cards out of the box and the performer himself.

“I want you to imagine you’re in a museum at night. It’s the strangest museum you’ve ever seen; there are only 52 pieces of art, and they’re all pictures you recognize. Spades, Hearts, Clubs, Diamonds; they show all 52 playing cards. And you’re there… to steal them.”

“You’ve managed to get inside, but you can immediately tell something is wrong. You sniff the air… smoke… fire! You have to act quickly if you’re going to get any of the paintings before it’s too late.”

“The museum is divided into two wings. One houses all the red card, and the other, all the black cards (paintings?). You notice smoke start to pour out of the vents (to audience member), in your imagination, do you see the smoke in the red wing or the black wing?” [Response]

“Yes, that’s exactly right. As you get closer, you see the smoke pouring out of the vents in the red wing, starting to wisp towards the collection of red works. The fire is growing and now you’re seeing sparks. They burst and scatter off the walls. Do the sparks start to hit the hearts or the diamonds?” [Response]

“Yes, precisely. As the room fills with smoke, the sparks hit the diamonds. The old dry canvases catch fire and start to spread towards the hearts. The hearts are all displayed with the numbers, A, 2, 3, on one wall and the face cards, J, Q, K, on the other wall. Do the flames move towards the number cards or the picture cards?” [Response]

“Exactly right! The flames spread towards the face cards so you rush to stand in front of them: the Jack, Queen, and King. Which one do you stand in front of?” [Response]

“Yes, so you start with the Jack, pull it off the wall, then the Queen, then the King. You’re trying to manage all three of these paintings as you make your way up to the roof to escape. As you go, the three paintings are getting shuffled around as your try to hold them. You approach the top floor and the flames are right behind you. A charred wooden beam starts to fall from the ceiling. You look down and which painting is on top of the pile?” [Response]

“Exactly. The beam falls directly in front of you and smashes the Jack to pieces; leaving it smoldering and charred on the ground. You make your way to the roof where yours truly is waiting! Your partner in crime. Thick as thieves! I’m standing next to our getaway helicopter. You run over and pass off one of the paintings to me do you give me the Queen or the King?” [Response. Beat.]

“Yes. You hand me the Queen of Hearts. But the story doesn’t end there. Any good heist story always has a twist. You go to run to the helicopter, and you find yourself handcuffed to the railing. During the handoff, someone [shrug/wink] cuffed you to a metal railing, leaving you stranded for the police to find any minute”

“And with that, standing on top of the museum, yours truly takes the Queen of Hearts painting and climbs into the helicopter.” [Carefully turn over the top card of the deck, revealing the Queen of Hearts. Reaction.]

“Tragically, all the other priceless works of art in that imaginary art heist were lost to the imaginary fire. I’m so glad we ended up with the Queen of Hearts, and I’m even gladder all of this was just in our minds”

Performer goes to the rest of the deck on the table, deliberately picks it up, and crumbles it into a tiny ball – the cards transforming into nothing but a scrap of paper except for the QH. Applause Cue.